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Paul Zucker

Tiger, tell that woman she's using too much starch

8 May 2000

PC Week Australia

Submitted for Most Entertaining category

One of the most frustrating things in modern life is watching new e-businesses taking off, yet we don't own any of the shares. How many times have you heard yourself say "I could have thought of that idea!" Well fret no more here are some sure-fire ideas for e-age businesses, and they're free for the grabbing. And if they fail, naturally it won't be my fault.

Have you ever refilled an inkjet cartridge? Then you'll know what a 20cm black ink stain looks like on the lounge room carpet, or your best shirt, or the family pet, and so on. This Web site could specialise in helping people recover from accidents caused by modem technology. For instance, it would have advice on changing your identity when you send the naked picture of yourself to everyone on your mailing list except your boyfriend, instead of the other way around. Or it could show you how to make an accidental reformat of the kid's PC and make it look like they did it. (Don't try registering www .outdamnspot.com as that seems to be use already!)

Men! You have a wardrobe full of shins and ties, but which goes with which? This elegant online service simply requires you to scan in sections of your ties and shirts, then submit the files to the online service. Then, every day you'll be able to log on and the system will present you with a sartorially-correct combination that can be modified to suit the occasion. You won't get a couple of numbers, you'll get a picture of you wearing the clothes so they'll be quick to spot. As an added bonus, any dry cleaner in Australia will scan and upload any clothes put in for cleaning, so these, too, can be used in the "fashion suggestion" process. (Hint: The kick-back from the dry-cleaners helps pay for the service.)

This is a service for couples who aren't speaking to each other. Anything they have to say to each other can be said through an online version of the family pet (or a virtual pet if they don't have a real one). Questions or comments can be posed on the Web site or via e-mail, such as "Rover, would my so-called wife remember to buy toilet paper next time she'sshopping".

Within reason, this service will place a closed-access Web cam wherever the user wants it. It could be looking at the counter in your favourite coffee shop so you can see how long the queue is before popping out of the office. It could be aimed at your rival's office to see who visits her/him. It could be aimed at your car so you can check on it at the parking spot during the day. Then there's

If you have any more ideas like this and you don't mind sharing them with PC Week readers, e-mail me.

Paul Zucker

Freelance Journalist

(02) 9652 2772

paul@zucker.com